[Check out part one right… here]
My first impression of the Peace Portal Alliance Church was that it sure was a big sonofabitch. The parking lot accommodated enough cars to fill STM three times over, and the church itself towered over its followers like cathedrals of old Europe. The flock congregated towards their place of worship with quiet anticipation and my friend raced through the halls to get a good seat before the show started.
Having been a good little catholic boy for the majority of my life, I knew the basic ins and outs of a church service; but this one was Protestant. I imagined it couldn’t be that different from what I knew as a wee child, the only recognizable difference I understood about this denomination is that they thought the pope was just some old bastard with a pointy hat. The church I was familiar with was pretty small compared to this spiritual behemoth, and the inside was a completely different gospel.
Apparently they had modeled the building off of GM Place. Pews were a thing of the past; each seat was individual, plastic, and numbered down the aisle. I half expected the customary drink holder to be attached to the back of every chair, especially with the large number of fat white-bread people in the audience. My local pastor, as I remember him at least, would’ve called the Vatican squad if someone tried this at his church. Already things were different. I walked through the double doors and into the actual church room filled with Protestants. I didn’t burst into flames. So far so good. I decided I would keep track of all the sins I committed while in the holy house of God, just to get the virtuous perspective on the experience; who knows, maybe I could make a proper zealot after all! Continue reading
Life on Grub Street 